Now that I’ve been building my base for running and getting back fast, I’ve been doing a lot more thinking. I’ve been thinking about mostly what I plan to do differently this time! Yes, before high school I had experience with running, and yes, I had competed lots of times before, but I didn’t know what I was doing. I would listen to what my coaches say, but I feel like I could have done so much more and so much better if I had more heart into it, and if I had taken care of my body better to have not gotten injured so often! Every day that I run, I find myself feeling more and more of my heart going into my running life. I can feel my heart growing bigger and bigger and falling more and more in love with this sport! I’ve never felt myself this good coming back from a break or a long time of not running. This is the best I’ve ever felt!
So, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to get a big head about this, just because I’m doing super good, and feeling good now doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t still think about all the negative from before. I still need to better myself each day. I’ve been looking back in my head and thinking about all the opportunities I had when running that got wasted. There are races that I keep looking back on, that I know I should have done better in. I know I gave up a lot quicker than I ever should have. I know now how it feels looking back and thinking to myself, “What a failure I was. “I will never quit. I will never compete in another race again, and not race with my full heart, and not race without putting in 110%! Because that’s how it should always be! I will not let another opportunity pass me by again, because of quitting. It’s no longer an option for me!
I’m feeling so good about the way I’ve been running, and about all the heart that I’m feeling put into running, that I know that nothing but good can come from this! I know this time will be better! How can I even know this right? I hope I don’t sound over confident, because I’m not. I know I don’t know everything, and I’m not perfect and I still make mistakes, I mean they are bound to happen, but for some reason I just know in my heart that this time is different than high school. I can think on a realistic level and still know that my body is better than this! I feel like I’ve awaken an inner part of myself that I didn’t even know was there before! Have you ever felt this way? What changed you?