So, today’s blog is going to be another insight on how it’s been, getting back. And let me tell you, today really had it out for me! Today was our first track workout as a team, and not only that but my first track workout in 4 years. But boy did it kick my butt! Honestly, I’ve been super realistic this whole time with my running, but I’m thinking maybe since I’ve been feeling so good that I’ve been a little overly confident with myself. I think I had way to high of expectations for myself, my body is not where it was at when it was in high school. I got to admit, today’s workout was a worse feeling than I remember. I could have also been psyching myself out, but there’s more to it. Let me tell you more about it in depth, now this is by no means a blog of me complaining, this isn’t me complaining, this is me telling you how I’ve been feeling, how I felt, and what I did wrong, and how I can try to change things and make myself better for future workouts.
So of course, the beginning of the workout starts off normal, with a warm-up run. So, we decided to just do a loop around the block, which is like a good 2. something miles. Now, the partner that I have been running with, couldn’t be at practice today, so I knew for today I’d be running on my own. There are two other girls, but I know they’ve been training, or at least been running for a while, so I knew they’d be at a faster pace than me. I’ve been building my base still, so I’m still much slower. For the warm-up, I really didn’t want to run alone, and run slower, so I decided to run with the girls, and warm-up with them. Now at first, the warm-up wasn’t so bad, the first mile felt kind of good, but that second mile was a kick in the face! That’s when I had finally realized, I shouldn’t have been running with them. Their pace was much faster than mine, so I did start to slow down, knowing that I was already going way harder than I should, especially for a warm-up and especially where I am at with my training. When we finally got back from the school, I was already breathing heavy and super exhausted, I immediately knew it was a bad decision, I knew my body would make me pay for it during the workout.
Then doing my legs swing before our strides, I looked at my watch to see what pace we were running at, it said 8:33 pace. I was like, oh my goodness, this is not good for me! On a normal run recently, I’ve been running a good 9:30 pace. I tried with all my heart not to think negatively because I was already going into this whole practice day way too nervous! When getting on that starting line, I knew it wasn’t going to go well, and honestly, I was furious at myself on the inside, because I feel like it could have been prevented. That was lesson one. Knowing what my actual warm up pace is and sticking to it. The first part of the workout was a 1600M at Tempo Pace. Now, I can tell you all that my biggest fear today was not only doing good, but to be the last person on that track during the workout, I knew that would mess with my head a lot! I tried to run at tempo pace, that first lap was the worst, I kept thinking so many negative things, and fighting with myself back and forth in my head, about whether to be negative or keep pushing. So, I did, I kept pushing, but all while having the negative tell me I’m doing bad. I did end up being last on everyone. By my second 800 of the 1600, I was starting to think positive, I was telling myself only 800 to go, I was telling myself to push. My lungs burned so bad from the inside after the 1600, but next was the 800.
Now, I’ve always loved the 800M, but today wasn’t the best. Before my 800, I had a little positivity talk with a teammate and that helped boost my confidence. I know an 800 so well, I know how to pace, and how to run it. But I kept finding myself, not being able to go faster. I felt my legs doing the motions, but my body wouldn’t push. I wanted it so bad. After the 800, was a 400M. That was only one lap, you’d think it’d feel a little better since that should be easy right. Nope. My 400, I couldn’t even feel my legs, they were going numb, and my lungs were burning inside, but I stayed positive. By the time we got to the last run, which was the 200M, I could no longer feel my legs, and my lungs were screaming at me from the inside to stop! That was my second lesson, you must stay positive and push yourself, if you don’t stay positive it will ruin you. You must have a positive mindset, or everything will be difficult, you must believe in yourself always! I know that most of my workout sounded negative, but it wasn’t all bad.
On my cooldown, I realized something. Now when I had talked to Rojas before, we knew this wasn’t going to be easy. We knew this is going to take some time because of how long I’ve been off, and like I’ve said before, coming back from a break is always hard. You must embrace it and use this as motivation to get through and get to the end to where it doesn’t hurt as bad, instead it’ll be a great kind of hurting. So, I know that realistically, I did my workout just great. This was great for me, for now. And that’s okay. Now I am not too upset with myself because I know in my heart I gave my best, and this is obviously what my best is right now, but I will get better and eventually my best will be greater! So, my cooldown was not negative at all. I kept myself away from thoughts of quitting, and of negativity, because I couldn’t be negative anymore. I knew to get better I must keep believing in myself. I knew that I made really high goals for myself, and I may not reach those goals over night, but I do know that I will reach them! The great thing about being at the rock-bottom, is that there is nowhere else to go but up! So that was my third lesson, throwing the negative out the door, and realizing that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, I did good. I’ll get better and that’s what matters!